Through Toltec Wisdom several questions have come to me, one of them being, how much time have I spent in my life frozen in fear?

I can remember not making decisions, because I was afraid of my choices. I would choose to just shrink back into the background instead of going one way or the other.

Even with things as simple as my appearance. For example, I can’t wear this t-shirt, someone might not agree with the slogan on it. Or someone once told me that an orange t-shirts looks stupid on you so now I do not own any orange shirts. Someone might say “You really don’t look good with long hair” and then for the rest of my life I have kept my hair trim and short. Even if I say to myself I would really like to have a pony tail down the middle of my back, there will be something in me that would want to fight about it. I don't even remember who said it to me, but someone said it and I believed them.

Simple questions could throw me into fear based reactions. For example, I would get asked a question such as, “What do you want for dinner”? Hmmm, chicken or fish? I wonder which one they want. Will they get mad if I say fish and they wanted chicken? This was focusing on what I didn't want and making assumptions.

This was my introduction to another aspect of the Judge in my mind. When I first started to study Toltec Wisdom, I was immediately able to stop saying nasty things to myself, such as, "you are an idiot" or "you are not very good at this or that". However, I then realized that the Judge worked on many levels. I may not hear the words in my mind, but the physical reaction by my body was the same as if I had heard the words.

Toltec Wisdom has taught me to not only listen to the words in my mind, but also to the reactions in my body. When I feel scared or indecisive, I can ask myself what I am afraid of.

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